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 Question:
Dear Memorialist:
A friend of mine just lost his father. I took a basket of food to the family after the passing, but I feel that I should do more. What do you recommend?
Answer:
I know the discomfort that you yourself feel, as you have the mixed emotions of wanting to aid your friend but also are not sure of what to do as the family wrestles with grief. It is a challenging time that may not have an easy answer. Here is some of my advice:
Grieving Families Need Comfort, Not Stress
I think the best approach is to do whatever we can to avoid adding stress to the lives of those who are grieving. When my father died on October 10, 1998, a cousin visited and she helped clean the house. I was very impressed by her gesture of kindness. Her actions spoke volumes, and her kindness will never be forgotten. In whatever manner we can, the removal of stressors is an act of great consideration.
Comfort Baskets Say, “I Care About You...”
For most of us, when a friend has lost a loved one, there is not much you can say. A gift can speak for you. A comfort basket is a kind assortment of trouble-free, sensible items to help the family as they work through their sorrow. Whether selected by the survivors or given as a present, these baskets keep on presenting the offering of comfort.
You have many options when it comes to comfort baskets. Some that I have seen contain scented candles, books about grieving, journals, massagers, stuffed animals, tea assortments, and much more. These items are chosen specifically because they are soothing and calming for most folks. Comfort baskets can be found in general categories, and they are also made specifically for women, men, children, grieving parents, pet owners, and employees. You have many choices when buying a basket; you can even make your own. You know the person specifically and there is no better person to choose the items in the comfort basket than you. The thoughtfulness and kindness that you put into the basket will mean as much as giving the basket itself.
Grief is a tremendous shock, even when we have notice of pending doom. This is a time when the family does its best to adjust to the new reality of its loss. Comfort baskets are but one approach to say, “I care about you, and words alone cannot express my sorrow for your loss.”
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